Stumbling Around

I don't believe in love at first sight. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. Love is something that takes time, and I really don't think you can be "in love" just by looking at someone. I can suspend reality long enough to watch a chick-flick, where a couple meets, knows each other for a week, stumbles around until the last five minutes where they realize all of their feelings and admit it to each other, but it's not real life.

That being said, I do think that sometimes you can just sort of know that someone is going to be important in your life. Do you know what I mean? Not, "I love him, and I'm going to marry him! ...Now what's his name?" I mean...you just know that whoever they are, they're going to have an impact in your life. It's just this feeling you get, just a sort of instantaneous knowledge. Maybe that's what the movies are picking up on. You do, after all, write what you know, so movies, TV shows, books, and other literature do reflect the real world in some ways. We all would like to think that when we meet "The One" that we're going to just absolutely know that they're the one. But that's not necessarily true. I mean, come on? How many couples have you known where they didn't really like each other when they first met? But perhaps, sometimes, you can know that someone is going to play an important role in your life. Maybe it'd be easier if I just told you a story.

Once upon a time, I was a timid little college freshmen, in the cafeteria for lunch. I'd barely said goodbye to my mother, and was attempting to adjust to my roommates, whom -- I was slowly coming to realize -- were psychotic. I was getting up to go get some water, when I noticed there was a very attractive young man staring at me. I immediately felt self-conscious. And it was different than one of those awkward moments, where you're totally zoned out, only to realize you're staring at someone, or you're looking around the cafeteria and someone looks up at you at the same time your gaze falls to them. No. This was different. And I still remember my first thought. "Oh, crap." Because I knew -- I knew -- that no matter what I did, I was going to fall for him. And I have. We've yet to ride off into the sunset. Shoot, I haven't even made it to a ballgown scene. It's obviously a work in progress. If this were a movie, I'd say I'm maybe, beginning of the middle? Maybe a little bit earlier than that.

And what happened next you may ask? Did he stroll up to me, wink, and ask me for my number? Did I casually walk by, sit down at his table, and introduce myself? The honest answer? No. No, I didn't. Because he terrified me. Crazy, right? I knew this guy was going to be important in my life, and I couldn't even talk to him. I couldn't really talk to him until the very end of last year and a lot this year. I've changed a lot since I first saw him across the cafeteria. How I feel about him has changed. I actually got to know him, and he's an amazing guy. Last year, I knew that he'd be important somehow. I'm still not 100% sure on how he's going to be important, but it's still just a feeling that I have. I knew that he was attractive, and that he seemed sweet. This year? This year I know that he's sweet. And smart, and funny, and a dork, and amazing. Before it was a small infatuation. Now? How should I put this...When I don't see him, I feel down, and bummed out.  My day sucks a little bit if I don't see him just once. And when I do see him? I feel so unbelievably happy it's crazy. Just seeing him once can brighten my whole day. And if he says hi to me? Well, might as well put that day down under "great." Sometimes -- okay, a lot of times -- I find myself absolutely speechless around him. And I don't know why. It's just, I don't know what to say. But then there are other times where we're talking, and it's amazing, and I just love spending time with him.

My feelings for him are getting stronger, and I know it. I wish so, so bad that I could fastforward to the part of the movie where we finally realize how much we care about each other, and wind up together. (Again, that's about the last minute and a half to five minutes of the movie.) But you know what? We're enthralled by the movies, TV shows, and books because of the hour and a half (or 300 pages, or 5 books, or 8 seasons) of stumbling around. When the couple gets together, it's great, and we're happy, and knowing that their lives together afterwards is going to be exciting and full of love is the best news ever. But secretly, we love the suspense, wondering, "Will they get together now?" And I think that's what life is all about. It's the middle that makes life exciting. The end is fantastic, and the beginning is what hooks you, but the middle is the reason you stay. It's the messy, sticky, tough, complicated middle that makes you keep watching, or reading, and waiting. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's the messy, sticky, tough, complicated parts that make life worth living. Because if life were easy, what'd be the point? If "he" had come up and asked me out right there in the cafeteria, I would have said no. I didn't know him. There was no reason for me to find him in the least bit interesting. I didn't know he was sweet, or funny, or a dork, or smart. I probably wouldn't have associated any of those qualities with him. And I don't think he'd be the guy he is if he had done that.

If nothing else, I know that he has already impacted my life. Honestly, you could probably say that if not for him, I wouldn't be NCC right now. It's not like he suggested I be the NCC; didn't suggest I should be apart of RHA, even. But because of events -- which he may have unknowingly been apart of -- I became my stairwells representative. I loved it. I became the NCC. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect to get involved in anything, especially not anything that can sometimes be compared to Student Council. But I did, and I love it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my job. I know it's stressful, and sometimes I complain, but I love my job, and I love the people I work with, and I wouldn't change anything for the world. So no, I don't believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in significance at first sight, and most importantly, I believe stumbling around is the best part of life. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stumble off to bed. Stay ducky and lucky.

An Apology

So I took that other post down. I dunno, I felt kind of bad about it. It actually got one whole view, from AMERICA. Amazing, right? Since most of you are from Russia and Germany and other foreign countries. Seriously, what's up with that? How the heck do you people even get here!? *cough* Anyway....

Mostly, I took it down because my partner actually really started involving me. I wonder if he read it. I doubt it, but it's still interesting that he started talking to me about the "project" shortly after that. Probably just coincidence. But just in case it's not, and he did read it, and he's reading this, I apologize. I was just being cranky. That's not an excuse, though. Of course, you could just respond with, "I don't want your apology," which will lead to another argument about the whole forgiveness thing, but that's another problem entirely. (I don't care what you say, you can still forgive someone even if they don't want your forgiveness!)

So, the Upperclassmen Luau was like, ridiculously awesome. Seriously. I had a ton of fun setting up for it, and even disassembling it. Gah! I can't really explain why I have so much fun doing that sort of thing. Maybe it's just the people I'm with when I do it. The people I work with are absolutely amazing. I love them so much. When you're with fun people, doing work actually is pretty fun. I started to realize it at 48 Hours of Prayer, but it really hit me after My Generation. I just love RHA. The stuff we do is amazing, and the people who make the stuff happen are just so wonderful and fun and humble. The guys remind me of my JROTC buddies (only without a ton of inappropriate jokes), and the girls are really pretty chill (which is nice, compared to other girls who can be so high-maintenance). And even though I get really stressed out about my job, it doesn't mean I don't love it. I love doing the work stuff. Give me an order, and I'll follow it. I'm not the best at planning, but I try my best, and support my fellow execs.

Monday is our first meeting. I can't wait. It's going to be awesome. This whole year is going to be awesome. It already has been! I've had more fun these past 4 weeks than I had the entire 9 months last year! Sometimes I get stressed and frustrated, but overall, I'm happy. I feel like I've branched out more this year. In a way, I feel a little bit like I was being held back last year. This year...I dunno. It's just different. And I'm glad it is. Last year had some pretty good highlights, don't get me wrong. But this year has already had a ton of highlights, and it's barely even begun. It's gonna be a good year. That much I'm sure of.