Sometimes I wonder if God likes to write tragedies. Or perhaps just very sad comedies.
Maybe I should give some context. I've liked this guy for a long time -- longer than I'm honestly willing to admit. And over the past month, I feel like most of my chances with him have been shot. Why, you ask? Because my life is a sad comedy.
It's actually a bit harder than you would think as to where to start. Probably about a month ago, when I found out that several years ago he actually really liked one of my roommates. Which made me feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. But I'm over that, mostly. Because, I mean, I'm a girl. We compare ourselves like none other, and find all of the flaws in ourselves and tell ourselves we're not good enough, so why bother? But don't worry -- my church pastor preached the following Sunday on that sort of thing. Definitely set me straight. So like I said, I'm over that. Mostly. It does make me reconsider some things that may have happened previously. But whatever.
The next bullet to my love life is that a friend of ours has been making me extremely uncomfortable. He did it a few times last year, but then he got a girlfriend! It was beautiful. I had nothing to worry about, because he had some other girl to keep him occupied. I was pleased as could be. Then they broke up. GML (if you don't get that, go back to Oh, Gud...). Ever since then he's been making me uncomfortable again. He invades my bubble, he walked me to my door on the third floor (my roommates' boyfriends don't even always do that). He keeps sitting down next to me, so that when we play games in the Stu, I wind up pressing myself into the wall to leave space between us. Not to mention he has this foot fetish, and I like painting my toenails and walking around barefoot, so thanks a lot for that! Now I have to be sure to wear shoes, whenever I happen to remember (luckily, my dearest roommate reminded me to put on socks last night). Which is lame! I mean, I paint my toes for a reason, and soon I'm going to have to be running around with shoes on all the time anyway, so great. If I do happen to be barefoot around him, I suddenly remember, and feel this urge to cover up my feet. Foot fetishes are just weird, guys.
You wanna know the punchline to the above, though? Get ready, it's pretty amazing. He's the guy I like's roommate and friend. So basically, if they're like most people, you don't like the person your friend likes, or at least don't make a move on them. Do not even start with things like, "You shouldn't lead him on," and, "Why not give him a chance?" Because he's not my type, and that sounds stupid, but I am actually turned off by him, rather than just neutral. And I haven't lead him on. I have straight out told him that he's been friendzoned (yes, I used that word, and I hate that term), and that he's specifically not my type. And when I say he's not my type, I don't just mean aesthetically (though there's that, too). Look, I like guys typically that have strong jaw lines (which he does not), guys that are witty (which he is not, particularly), guys that are funny (pity laughs do not count), and frankly, guys that I don't feel smarter than. Not to sound vain or pompous, but he does things a lot that I'm just like, "Seriously, what are you thinking??" Academically he's not doing too hot, and it reflects in some of the things he'll say or do. Also, I don't like being treated more softly just for being a girl. There's a difference between treating a girl like a lady and just giving handouts. Don't fart in front of me; that's acting like you think I'm a lady. Letting me beat you at a game is a handout. No. If I'm going to kick your ass, it's going to be on my own terms. It's more of an accomplishment that way. A vagina doesn't mean I'm helpless, it just means you think you need to "go easy" on me.
So, there's that. And I don't know, because the guy I actually like has so many female friends that sometimes it's a little disheartening. Like I said, girls compare themselves. I'm trying not to, I really am, but it happens. And I saw this picture that looked like he might be holding this girl's hand, but it's not really clear, so you can't quite tell. It could go either way. But he also brought a girl home the other night (not the same girl...I looked...), and in a panic (because at that point in time I didn't know it wasn't the same girl), I finished destroying his roommates at SSBM, made a lame excuse about it being late and being tired, and got the hell out of dodge. Stupid, I know, but because I had seen the picture the night before and was already a little wounded and confused, the fact that he brought a girl who had similar dark hair home made me freak out.
So, yeah. My life is a really sad comedy. I'd love if it would improve soon, but I don't know what to do about most of this stuff. I like hanging out with the two, but the problems are as thus: 1.) If my friend keeps making me uncomfortable, I'm not going to want to be around him, and I don't know how to express that without sounding like a jerk if it's all in my head; 2.) If the guy I like doesn't like me, then that hurts a lot, and I'll want some space; 3.) If he actually now is interested and starts dating a girl, then he will no doubt bring her around to hang out, and just after the other night, I know I cannot handle that. And the worst part is, I wouldn't be able to explain it to either of them why their friend has suddenly stopped hanging out with them, and says no. But I'd have to, and it would make things ten times worse. "I can't hang out with you, because I don't like you and you're making me uncomfortable. I can't hang out with you because I've liked you for such a long time that I can't handle being around you if I know for a fact that you don't like me, too." That's awesome. My life is awesome.
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